KEY DETAILS FROM ARTICLE:

• Moving forward, Schmoes will be removed from classes on week 14 of each semester (April 12 for current semester)
• Nero, Iris, Flo, New, and No Schmoe, along with Dr. Instructor, will be permanently removed from Moodle
• Cornelius, Joe, and Jane Schmoe, along with Kay Zmoe, will “remain” in the system and available for course testing before week 14 of each semester 

Expert Moodle users are probably familiar with the Schmoe family. The Schmoes (Joe, Jane, Nero, Iris, Cornelius, Flo, New, and No), along with their cousin Kay Zmoe, have been a part of NMC’s Moodle team for well over 10 years. For the most part, they have been a helpful family, as they assist Moodle administrators and instructors in testing course functionality, new plugins, and complex activity and restrictions processes.

They are also pretty lousy at filling out course evaluations.

This is because they are, of course, not real people.

So, to assist our evaluation team in providing faculty and administration with the most accurate data, we will begin removing Schmoes from Moodle classes on week 14 of every semester. This will ensure Schmoes do not receive course evaluations (which we know they cannot complete). For the current term, Schmoes will be removed on April 12. This action will be conducted by Ed Tech, so if you have Schmoes “enrolled” in your class, no action needs to be taken on your part – but be aware that your Schmoes will be gone on April 12.

Which brings us to some “goodbyes!”

The following Schmoes will be graduating/dropping out/retiring from Northwestern Michigan College, effective immediately. (NOTE: Joking aside, we are reducing the number of Schmoes to ease the process of removing them from classes).

[PLAY “I WILL REMEMBER YOU” BY SARAH MCLACHLAN AS YOU READ]

NERO SCHMOE: Nero enrolled at NMC in September of 2008 and has yet to successfully complete a course, despite being enrolled in over 200 classes during that time. Son of a wealthy Roman family, Nero fiddled as his parents paid for class after class after class. After 13 years, his family has cut him off, and Nero has moved to Jacksonville, Florida, to pursue a career in sky art.

IRIS SCHMOE: The “flower child” of the Schmoe family, Iris enrolled in NMC a few weeks before her brother Nero and has yet to step foot on campus. A free spirit who answers every essay question with “testing testing 1-2. I’m here, where are you,” Iris’s largest contribution to the college community was testing the timeline feature for Ryan Bernstein in the Online Learning Orientation (OLO) tests of the spring of 2017. A favorite of many instructors for her helpful nature and low-impact learning style, Iris will be missed as she leaves NMC to pursue opportunities testing learning modules for Oxford University in England.

FLO SCHMOE: The matriarch of the Schmoe family, Flo has been a student, instructor, administrator, and prominent philanthropist for Northwestern Michigan College. Flo initially enrolled at the college in 2010 to keep an eye on her wayward children, but her “Be What’s Possible” spirit quickly earned her a place on the Dean’s List. After receiving her Associate’s Degree (with honors), she was immediately hired as an adjunct professor in the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures Department (it’s located in the tunnels under Osterlin), before being hired as Assistant Dean for the Dark Arts in 2015. Flo is retiring to Reno, Nevada to spend more time with her menagere of magical lizards. Good luck, Flo!

NEW SCHMOE: The literal baby of the Schmoe family, New was enrolled at NMC accidentally by his mother Flo in 2010. New never attended a class and has not accessed Moodle since 2014. New is 12-years-old and attends Interlochen Arts Academy, where his scholarship as a flautist was featured in a segment on “Good Morning Cleveland!” last fall.

NO SCHMOE: No Schmoe’s presence at NMC has been as negative as his name. He has been in the system since 2011 and inactive nearly as long. It’s possible No is a computer virus. He won’t be missed.

DR. INSTRUCTOR: Dr. Instructor is not a member of the Schmoe family and her presence at the college is mysterious and currently under investigation. Rumor has it that she’s been pulling a paycheck since September of 2011, but there is no record of her ever being an active instructor for any department on campus. It’s possible she’s merely a glitch, and we are going to “fix that glitch.” She’s gone.

REMINDER: Cornelius, Joe, and Jane Schmoe, along with Kay Zmoe, will “remain” with the college and can be enrolled in classes before week 14 of each semester when needed for testing purposes.

If you have any questions about Schmoe use and removal, please submit a Help Desk ticket.